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When I take the
Sexual Addiction Screening Test (S.A.S.T.) it
tells me that I am 96% likely to be a “sex
addict”. The test consists of a list of
simple questions found in the book. Contrary
to Love, one of the bibles of the ‘sex
addiction movement’. This book written
by Patrick Carnes Ph.D., published in 1989, popularized
the concept of ‘sex addiction’, and
made it a household term.
Carnes describes a sex addict as someone who “experiences little
pleasure, often feels despair in the middle of sex, lives a secret life
surrounded by a web of lies, can’t control their sexual behavior,
has delusional thought patterns and reality distortion. A sex addict frequently
does or fantasizes sexual things s/he doesn't like. A sex addict is someone
whose sexual behavior has become unstoppable despite serious consequences,
someone whose sexual behavior and thoughts have become vastly more important
than their relationships, family, work, finances, and health, someone whose
sexual behavior doesn't reflect her/his highest self, etc.”. (1)
According to the National Association of Sexual Addiction Problems, 6%
or 1 out of 17 Americans are sexual addicts.’ That's about 14 million
people. (2) Before the term sex addict came onto the scene, there was no
such animal. The closest thing we had was “nymphomania, satyriasis,
Don Juanism, perverts, sex fiends, and various other terms for sexual misfits.”
Let’s examine some of the questions in the S.A.S.T., and I will comment
on them. Carnes says that the more ‘yes’ answers to these questions,
the higher possibility the person is a sex addict.
1. Have you subscribed to sexually explicit magazines like Playboy or Penthouse?
(This question assumes that an interest in seeing naked women, or people
having sex is a bad thing. Some people simply enjoy nude photos and reading
articles about sex and without any negative effects.)
2. Do you often find yourself preoccupied with sexual thoughts?
(Compared to what exactly; once a minute, once an hour, once every day?
This is so nebulous. To think about sex often is absolutely common.)
3. Do you feel that your sexual behavior is not normal?
(What is ‘normal’? Compared to what? ‘Normal’ has
a very narrow connotation. Normal can be extremely limiting, unsatisfying
and even unnatural for some people.)
4. Are any of your sexual activities against the law? (This question assumes
that all illegal sexual activities are a bad thing, as opposed to maybe
there are some bad laws. Perhaps some sexual activities shouldn’t
be against the law, like oral and anal sex and prostitution.)
5. Have you ever felt degraded by your sexual behavior? (It is likely that
anyone who has lived a full and active sex life has likely felt degraded
at one time or another by a sexual experience. Perhaps this is normal,
as well as common.)
6. Has sex been a way for you to escape your problems?
(In fact, sex can be an excellent and healthy way to have some relief from
problems on occasion.)
7. When you have sex, do you feel depressed afterwards?
(Sex can help a person get in touch with feelings. Sometimes a person can
feel depressed after sex, but this is not necessarily bad. Plus this doesn’t
mean the sex is the depressing part. The depression might come from dissatisfaction
with the person they are having sex with, there may be unfulfilled expectations,
or maybe there’s a problem communicating, or other such problems.)
8. Do you feel controlled by your sexual desire? (We are biologically programmed
to desire sex. Perhaps very strong sexual desire is appropriate and beneficial.)
Etceteras.
There have been plenty of heated debates as to whether the sexual addiction
concept is helpful or destructive, especially in the sex therapy community.
Sexologist Marty Klein is adamantly against the idea. “The concept
of ‘sex addiction’ really rests on the assumption that sex
is dangerous. There's the sense that we frail humans are vulnerable to
the Devil's temptations of pornography, masturbation, and extramarital
affairs, and that if we yield, we become ‘addicted.’ Without
question, being a sexual person is complex, and we are vulnerable--to our
sex-negative heritage, shame about our bodies, and conflict about the exciting
sexual feelings we can't express without risking rejection. Sexuality per
se, however, is not dangerous--no matter how angry or frightened people
are. Professional sexologists should reject any model suggesting that people
must spend their lives
1) in fear of sexuality's destructive power;
2) being powerless about sexuality;
3) lacking the tools to relax and let sex take over when it's appropriate. …The
sexual addiction movement is not harmless. These people are missionaries
who want to put everyone in the missionary position.” (3)
The currently used college text book, Our Sexuality explains it this way: “The
criteria often used to establish alleged sub-conditions of hypersexuality-nymphomania
and satyriasis—are subjective and value laden. Therefore these terms
are typically defined moralistically rather than scientifically, a fact
that has generated harsh criticism from a number of professionals.” (4)
Although I ‘test positive’ as a sex addict, if I read Carne’s
description of what a sex addict is like and what she/he experiences, I
certainly don’t fit the description whatsoever. The test is definitely
extremely flawed. The unfortunate thing is that plenty of people don’t
see the flaws, or even question the validity of such a test. Sex addiction
often makes a disease out of what is often quite reasonable sexual behavior.
It emphasizes negative aspects of sex. It takes away some of the personal
responsibility for sexual choices and blames problems on a ‘disease’.
It offers simple solutions to complex problems. Marty Klein points out
that, “Sex addiction legitimizes sex-negative attitudes and supports
sexual guilt.” It can make people feel badly if they simply have
an active and varied sex life. Sex addiction can be used as a way to put
down socially disapproved of behavior. Sometimes sex is blamed for various
other problems; loneliness, frustration, lying, destructive behavior, etc.
Some people find that taking on the sex addict label increases the struggle
they are having with problematic sexual behaviors. As Jack Morin puts it, “conflict
is fuel for the compulsion.” (5) It labels a behavior as either good
or bad, and there is no in-between.
Generally a 12-step program modeled after Alcoholics Anonymous, or one-on-one
therapy is used to treat ‘sex addicts’. There are groups such
as Sexaholics Anonymous, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, Sexual Addicts
Anonymous, and Sexual Abuse Anonymous. These groups are very popular and
they do appear to help many people find some relief for their problems.
It is interesting to note that sexual addiction therapy is also a multi-million
dollar industry. Many one on one therapist benefit from this concept.
There are no exact ways of measuring if someone is a ‘sex addict’.
For example Gloria Steinem called President Clinton a ‘sex addict’ after
his affair with Monica Lewinsky. But Jack Morin points out that “poor
judgement is not a sex addiction. Extramarital sex is not a sex addiction.
Having a secret erotic life is not a sex addiction.” There is no
way to really know if Clinton is a sex addict or not.
Shame seems to be part of what determines sex addiction. I’m reminded
of the story of when some nude photos of Vanessa Williams were published
in Penthouse. She was totally ashamed, humiliated, and gave up her Miss
America crown. A couple of years later when nude photos of Madonna were
published in Penthouse, Madonna’s response was “so what”,
and she apparently wasn’t ashamed at all. By not have shame about
her nude photos, they couldn’t and didn’t hurt her. Perhaps
they enhanced her career. What is a sexual nightmare for one person, can
be non-issue for another. It is questionable whether a sex addict has any
more or any different kinds of sex than someone who simply has an active
and varied sex life. Shame may largely be what makes the difference.
Addictionologists say that a sex addict ‘uses sex to lift moods,
to seek validation, to soothe feelings of loneliness, for intrigue and
adventure, to go into altered states of consciousness…” Perhaps,
in fact, these are perfectly valid reasons to have sex.
Granted, there are millions of people with severe sexual problems that
feel out of control, people who are very conflicted about their sexual
activities. Some people are drawn to very dangerous and destructive behaviors.
Some sex acts can have extremely negative consequences. A person’s
sexual compulsion can be incompatible with a particular intimate relationship.
There are very real and serious problems that need to be addressed. But
the question is if pathologizing these problems makes matters worse instead
of better. Perhaps sexual ‘compulsion’ or ‘problem’ or ‘challenge’ are
better terms than sexual ‘addiction’.
Many people find the whole concept of sex addiction quite ridiculous, even
an oxymoron of sorts. There are some folks who call themselves sex addicts
with great pride. Ironically if you do an Internet search for sexaddiction.com,
you get a web site that sells porn movies. Needless to say, it is probably
a very prosperous site.
END.
FOOTNOTES
1. Carnes Ph.D., Patrick. Contrary to Love—Helping the Sexual Addict.
2. Klein, Marty. Website.
3. ibid.
4. Crooks, Robert and Baur, Karla. Our Sexuality (P. 562-563)
5. Morin, Jack. Eros and Compulsion: A Paradoxical view of Sex Addiction.
IASHS lecture on Feb 8, 2000
BIBLIOGRAPHY
Carnes Ph.D., Patrick. Contrary to Love—Helping the Sexual Addict.
CompCare Publishers, Minneapolis. 1989.
Carnes Ph.D., Patrick. Out of the Shadows—Understanding Sexual Addiction.
Minneapolis. 1983.
Crooks, Robert and Baur, Karla. Our Sexuality (Seventh Edition), Brooks/Cole
Publishing, 1999 (P. 562-563)
Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous. First Edition. The Augustine Fellowship.
Boston. 1986.
WEB
SITES
www.sexaddict.com
www.sexaddicted.com (XXX
site)
http://www.sexed.org/arch/arch08.htm Marty
Klein’s website.
VIDEOS
Morin, Jack. Eros and Compulsion: A Paradoxical view of Sex Addiction.
IASHS lecture on Feb 8, 2000.
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